How Self-Compassion Can Help You Let Go of the Past

3 November 2025

Have you ever replayed a cringe moment from ten years ago while brushing your teeth at midnight? Yeah, me too. It's like your brain decides, “You know what would be fun right now? Let’s relive that time you called your 4th-grade teacher ‘Mom’ in front of the whole class.”

Letting go of the past is like trying to break up with a toxic ex who keeps texting, "Hey, remember that time you failed miserably at life?" It's exhausting. But here's where self-compassion swoops in, wearing a cape and holding a latte, ready to save the day.

In this blog post, we're diving deep (with floaties on, don't worry) into how self-compassion can help you let go of your past mistakes, embarrassments, and regrets—and maybe help you stop cringing every time you try to sleep.

What Even Is Self-Compassion?

Let’s start with the basics. Self-compassion isn’t just about bubble baths and positive affirmations (though let’s be honest, both are delightful). It’s about treating yourself the way you’d treat a good friend.

Would you scream “YOU ARE A FAILURE!” at your best friend for forgetting their anniversary? Of course not. (Unless you’re a sitcom character, then maybe.)

Self-compassion is:

- Mindfulness: Acknowledging your pain without letting it snowball into a full-blown mental avalanche.
- Common Humanity: Realizing you’re not the only human who messes up. Spoiler alert: we all do. Regularly. Spectacularly.
- Self-kindness: Talking to yourself with gentleness instead of roasting yourself harder than a Thanksgiving turkey.

Simple concept, right? So why is it so hard?

Why Are We So Good At Beating Ourselves Up?

Let’s face it—we’re often our own worst critics. We’ve got an inner voice that’s less therapist and more grumpy gym coach from the ‘80s yelling, “DO BETTER!”

Here’s why:

- Perfectionism: That pesky little gremlin whispering, “If it’s not flawless, it’s a failure.”
- Comparisonitis: Scrolling through Instagram and thinking everyone else is a walking success story while you're over here eating cold pizza in bed.
- Shame: That deep-rooted belief that messing up doesn’t just mean you made a mistake—it means you are a mistake. (Spoiler: You're not.)

News flash: that voice in your head does not have a Ph.D. in Truth. It’s just a poorly trained DJ playing the worst hits of your mental mixtape.

The Link Between the Past and Self-Kickery

Let’s talk time travel—mental style. Our brains love creating highlight reels of our worst moments. It’s like your own personal blooper reel, except it doesn’t end with laughter and applause. It ends with self-doubt, sleepless nights, and maybe a spontaneous existential crisis.

Dwelling on your past mistakes often leads to:

- Rumination: Mental hamster-wheel activity that goes nowhere.
- Low self-worth: Feeling like you’re defined by your biggest mistakes.
- Anxiety and depression: Because carrying emotional baggage is exhausting and, frankly, bad for your back.

But when we sprinkle in some self-compassion, things start to shift.

The Magic of Self-Compassion: How It Actually Helps

So, what does self-compassion actually do? Imagine it like emotional yoga. It stretches your perspective, strengthens your resilience, and sometimes makes you cry unexpectedly—just like real yoga!

Here’s what self-compassion helps with:

1. It Breaks the Shame Cycle

Shame says, “You’re bad.” Self-compassion says, “You did a thing, and that’s okay. Welcome to the human race.”

When you mess up and forgive yourself instead of spiraling into a pit of self-loathing, it changes the narrative. Self-compassion teaches you that mistakes are not tattoos—they’re whiteboard scribbles. And guess what? You’ve still got the eraser.

2. It Quiets the Inner Critic

Your inner critic is like an overzealous Yelp reviewer with too much time on their hands. “One star: cried in public again!”

But when you respond with kindness, you show that inner voice the door. (Or at least put it in time-out with a juice box.)

3. It Helps You Heal

You can’t heal a wound while you’re still poking at it. Self-compassion wraps emotional band-aids around your hurt and gives you space to breathe.

Research even backs it up—people who practice self-compassion are better at dealing with failure, rejection, and those dreaded “Oops” moments from the past.

4. It Boosts Emotional Resilience

Think of self-compassion as emotional armor—not the heavy medieval kind, but like a cozy sweater that makes you feel safe enough to mess up and still move forward.

The more you practice it, the more you bounce back from emotional face-plants.

Want to Let Go of the Past? Here’s How Self-Compassion Steps In

Okay, now that we know why it works, let’s get into the juicy stuff—how to actually use self-compassion to let go of your past and move on with your fabulous life.

Step 1: Recognize You’re Not Alone (Seriously, You’re Not)

We’ve all done something dumb—like every single human ever. You’re not special in your screwups, and that’s a good thing.

When you remember that pain and regret are universal, your shame loses its power. You’re not the first person to send a risky text or bomb a job interview. And you won’t be the last.

Step 2: Talk to Yourself Like You Matter

Next time your brain starts roasting you, try saying this:

“Wow, that was awkward. But hey… I’m still a good person.”

Here’s a trick: picture your five-year-old self. Now imagine yelling at them, “HOW COULD YOU MISPRONOUNCE SPAGHETTI IN FRONT OF EVERYONE?!”

You wouldn’t. Because that’s messed up. Treat yourself like you would that lovable little goofball.

Step 3: Practice Mindfulness Without the Woo-Woo

Mindfulness doesn’t mean becoming a monk or drinking green juice while chanting affirmations.

It just means being present.

Instead of spiraling into a black hole of “What ifs” and “Why did I do thats,” pause and say, “Oh, look, there goes my brain doing the regret thing again.”

You don’t need to wrestle those thoughts into submission—just nod, acknowledge them, and move on.

Step 4: Rewrite the Story

If your life were a book, would anyone want to read it if it were all sunshine and perfect grammar? Probably not.

Every great hero has a tragic backstory, a messy middle, and a plot twist.

Take control of your narrative. Instead of, “I messed up and I suck,” try, “I stumbled, I learned, and now I walk a little taller.”

Step 5: Forgive Yourself (Even for the Awkward Stuff)

Things to forgive yourself for:

- That thing you said in 2008
- That relationship you stayed in too long
- That time you tried bangs (we all make choices)
- Literally everything that you’ve already mentally apologized for a million times

Forgiveness isn’t approval—it’s freedom. Give yourself the same grace you give that friend who always forgets your birthday but still knows your favorite snack.

Real-Life Examples (Because Theory Is Boring)

Let’s meet Amanda. Amanda spilled a drink on her boss during her first week and has been spiraling about it for three years. Every time she sees a coffee cup, she winces.

But then Amanda started practicing self-compassion. She wrote herself a letter from her future self saying, "Remember when you created office legend status with that spillage? Iconic."

Now Amanda still cringes occasionally, but it’s more of a chuckle-cringe than a soul-crushing one.

Or take Jake. Jake ghosted a friend during a tough time, and he's been carrying that guilt like it’s a tote bag full of bricks. But once he realized he was acting out of his own pain back then, he offered himself compassion—and reached out to apologize. He can't rewrite the past, but he stopped letting it define him.

FAQs (Because You’re Probably Wondering...)

Q: Will self-compassion make me lazy or unaccountable?

A: Nope! Self-compassion isn’t a “get out of jail free” card—it’s a “let’s heal and grow” card. Actually, people who practice it tend to be more motivated because they aren’t weighed down by shame.

Q: But what if my mistake hurt someone else?

A: Then self-compassion becomes the fuel for accountability and repair—not avoidance. You can own your actions and still treat yourself with kindness. Think of it as saying, “That wasn’t okay, but I’m still worthy of growth.”

Q: Is loving myself really going to fix my past?

A: It won’t erase it—but it’ll absolutely shift how you carry it. And that, my friend, changes everything.

Final Thoughts: Be Kind, Rewind

Letting go of the past doesn’t mean pretending it didn’t happen. It means unclenching your grip, loosening the noose of self-blame, and walking forward with a bit more softness in your step.

Self-compassion isn’t fluffy or weak—it’s fierce, transformative, and totally necessary if you want to feel like someone worth rooting for (which you are, by the way).

So the next time your brain tries to show you a rerun of “The One Where You Embarrassed Yourself,” respond with a laugh, a head nod, and maybe a snack. Life’s too short to be your own worst enemy.

Go be your best friend instead. You’re worth it.