How to Support a Loved One with a Personality Disorder

5 July 2025

Supporting someone with a personality disorder can be challenging, but it’s not impossible. It’s like trying to navigate through a storm—you can’t control the weather, but you can adjust your sails. Your loved one can still live a fulfilling life, but they’ll need understanding, compassion, and specific forms of support to get through tough times. So, how can you be the lighthouse in their storm? Let’s dive deep into this topic and explore practical strategies for offering the best support.

What is a Personality Disorder?

Before you jump into the “how” of supporting someone with a personality disorder, it’s essential to understand what you’re dealing with. Personality disorders are mental health conditions that affect how someone thinks, feels, behaves, or relates to others. These patterns can be rigid and may result in distress and difficulty functioning in daily life.

There are several types of personality disorders, commonly grouped into three clusters:

- Cluster A: Odd or eccentric behaviors (e.g., Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal)
- Cluster B: Dramatic, emotional, or erratic behaviors (e.g., Borderline, Narcissistic, Antisocial, Histrionic)
- Cluster C: Anxious or fearful behaviors (e.g., Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-Compulsive)

Each of these disorders has its unique set of challenges, and no two people will experience them the same way. That’s why your support must be tailored to the individual.

Why It’s Important to Support Someone with a Personality Disorder

Imagine what it must feel like to live with a personality disorder for a moment. It’s like trying to walk through molasses—everything feels slow, difficult, and overwhelming. People with personality disorders often feel isolated, misunderstood, and even judged by others. That’s why having a supportive loved one can make a huge difference.

When you provide emotional support, practical help, and a nonjudgmental space, it tells that person, “I’m here for you no matter what.” This kind of reassurance minimizes their fears and gives them the emotional tools they need to manage their disorder. Plus, you’re helping to reduce the stigma around mental health, something society sorely needs.

10 Ways to Support a Loved One With a Personality Disorder

1. Educate Yourself

The first step in providing effective support is knowledge. If you don't understand the basics of the condition, you're flying blind. Read up on the specific personality disorder your loved one is dealing with, whether it's Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), or another type.

When you have a clear understanding of the challenges they face, it becomes easier to empathize and tailor your support.

Example: If your loved one has BPD, they might frequently experience extreme emotional swings and fear of abandonment. Knowing this, you can avoid taking emotional outbursts personally and instead offer calm reassurance.

2. Be Patient, Really Patient

Dealing with personality disorders involves lots of ups and downs. It’s a rollercoaster, and patience is your safety harness. Understand that things won’t change overnight. Progress may come in inches rather than miles, and setbacks are inevitable.

When frustrations arise, take a deep breath and remind yourself that your loved one isn’t choosing to act this way. The disorder impacts their behavior and emotions, causing reactions that might seem exaggerated.

3. Set Healthy Boundaries

Supporting someone doesn’t mean that all your emotional energy should get sucked into their problems. Boundaries are like emotional fences—they help keep your relationship healthy by ensuring that both parties respect each other’s limits.

If you find that their behavior is becoming emotionally draining or toxic, it’s okay to draw a line. You can still be loving and supportive even while saying, “I need some space right now.”

Boundaries prevent burnout, ensuring that you stay emotionally equipped to provide long-term support.

4. Avoid Shaming or Criticizing

Nobody responds well to shame or criticism, especially not someone with a personality disorder. It’s very easy to react negatively when your loved one behaves in ways you find difficult to understand—perhaps they’re manipulative, overly dramatic, or emotionally volatile.

But it's crucial to remember that criticism can worsen their condition. Instead, try using “I feel” statements when addressing problematic behavior. Focus on how their actions impact you, without making them feel attacked.

For example:
- Instead of: “You’re being difficult!”
- Try: “I feel really overwhelmed when you raise your voice.”

5. Encourage Professional Help

You are not a therapist (unless you are, in which case, go you!). But most of us aren’t equipped to deal with the complexities of a personality disorder. It’s important to have professionals involved, like therapists or psychiatrists.

Encourage your loved one to seek professional help if they haven’t already, and support them in attending regular therapy sessions. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) are particularly effective for many personality disorders.

Helpful Tip: Offer to help them research therapists or even go with them to their first appointment if that feels right.

6. Validate Their Feelings

Imagine living in a world where no one takes your emotions seriously. For many people with personality disorders, that is their reality. You may not understand why they feel how they do, but that doesn’t make their emotions any less valid.

Validation doesn’t mean you agree with everything they say or do. It simply means acknowledging their feelings without judgment. Sometimes an “I see you’re really upset right now” can mean the world to someone in emotional pain.

7. Stay Calm During Emotional Outbursts

Those with personality disorders may have intense emotional reactions—anger, sadness, frustration—that seem to come out of nowhere. Even though your first instinct might be to match their intensity, it’s best to keep calm.

Think of it like this: if someone is drowning, you don’t jump in and flail alongside them. You offer them a life raft. Your calm presence during their emotional storms can act as that raft, helping them stabilize and feel grounded.

8. Foster Independence Where Possible

While it’s tempting to step in and solve every problem for your loved one, doing so might foster dependence. Encourage them to take responsibility for their choices and behaviors. Help them build coping mechanisms, instead of rescuing them from every difficult situation.

When they manage to handle an emotionally complex situation on their own, offer praise. This builds their confidence and helps them see that they are capable, even with their disorder.

9. Take Care of Yourself

It’s easy to lose yourself in someone else’s struggles, but remember, your well-being is just as important. Supporting someone with a personality disorder can be emotionally taxing. You are allowed to feel exhausted, frustrated, or even resentful at times. That’s okay.

Self-care—whether it’s taking a walk, meditating, or talking to your own therapist—will replenish your energy reserves. You can’t fully pour into someone else’s cup if yours is empty.

10. Know When to Step Back

If the relationship becomes harmful to your well-being, it may be time to reconsider how involved you want to be. Taking a step back is not a betrayal; in fact, it can sometimes be the healthiest option for both of you.

Distancing yourself doesn’t mean you stop caring. It’s about recognizing your own limits while still hoping your loved one finds the help and support they need—just from a different source.

The Role of Communication in Providing Support

Open, honest communication is the lifeline in any relationship, but this is especially true when supporting someone with a personality disorder. Keep the lines of communication open, but also ensure that discussions remain respectful and productive. Sometimes, they may not be in the mental space for deep conversations, so pick the right moments.

Keep in mind that misunderstandings are common. Clarify instead of assuming, and be a patient listener. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply be there, quietly sitting with them without saying a word.

What Not to Do When Supporting Someone with a Personality Disorder

Offering support can feel like balancing on a tightrope. Here’s a rundown of what not to do:

- Don’t take everything personally. Their mood swings or emotional reactions likely aren’t about you.
- Don’t make it about you. Centering yourself in their illness can come off as dismissive, even if it’s unintended.
- Don’t be overprotective. Let them face challenges. Over-managing will hinder their independence.
- Don’t force advice. Sometimes they just need an empathetic ear, not a solution.

Final Thoughts

Supporting a loved one with a personality disorder is no easy feat. At times, it may feel like you’re walking on eggshells or trying to defuse a ticking time bomb. But with patience, education, and healthy boundaries, it’s possible to walk through the storm together.

Just remember—you're not there to fix them. You're there to provide unwavering support, gentle guidance, and unconditional love. Bring compassion to the table, and it can make all the difference in their life and yours.